Wisdom from the Heart of a Child of a Teen Mom
As written in The Open Door, a true memoir and proof that the birth canal does not save lives…
The church was built to make disciples and to defend and protect the widows and the fatherless. In history, it has always been the church that through natural disasters and plagues, it glorified God by stepping in and taking care of the sick, hopeless and destitute.
There is a plague going on right now, except the church is doing very little about it. That plague is the fatherless and the widows: the teen mother and her children. What has the church done in the past 40 years about this plague? The church has shared it’s opinions on life and death- the church has put all its love, resources, time and money into being pro-life. But when given the opportunity to disciple and protect that life, which God calls us to do, we have fallen short.
The church allows the government to take care of “the least of these” by barely meeting their physical needs. This is the very government that we do not want in our lives, yet this system became convenient. This is devastating on so many levels. First of all, the spiritual needs of the teenage mother are not being met, leaving the door open for cyclical, generational sin. This leads to bigger problems and more pregnancies. More importantly, the church is missing out on a huge opportunity.
My mother was 16 when she got pregnant with me. After my 24 year old father abandoned us, she was also abandoned by her grandmother. Her grandmother decided that she could not bare the shame of an unwed mother living under her roof. How would that look to her church-going friends? Therefore, my mother was forced to move back with her alcoholic mother. There, we lived with her abusive stepfather and five of my mother’s siblings in a two bedroom, one bath occupancy. My mother was scared, abandoned and had no resources. She contemplated abortion, legal in New York at the time and throwing herself down the stairs in hopes of a miscarriage. The only people that knocked on our door, our being me (the unborn) and my mother, were the adoption agencies. Although adoption is a wonderful option, it is not for everybody. But they did not offer support, only the selfless act of giving up her baby, which they made clear was the only selfless choice in the matter. Otherwise, she was only thinking of herself.
The church, however, did not knock and after making the difficult decision to keep her baby, this left a bull’s-eye of low self-esteem, lack of choices and uneducated decisions. It also led to another abusive stepfather to now come into my life, proving that cyclical patterns are alive and well. We often slept around a kerosene heater for lack of oil, went without healthy food or the means to pay a phone bill. This made it convenient for my stepfather to isolate us even further.
My Heavenly Father was watching and without His church, He took care of us. He strategically placed one pivotal woman that loved my mother and I unconditionally. Through this guidance, my Heavenly Father educated me, He gave me a loving husband that protects me and loves our children.
But at 33 years old I had everything, except God. Because I did not recognize at the time that He had showered me with the conviction and strength to rise above my circumstances, I thought I had them because I pulled myself up by my bootstraps. Without the church, who wouldn’t want to take all the credit and all the glory?
Even though I had everything, a wonderful marriage, a safe home, security and healthy children, God’s voice rang in my heart and I yearned for Him. Therefore, I reluctantly came to church. Was it because of the church? No. I was scared to death of the church. I felt like a child on the first day of kindergarten. I was unsure, ill equipped and frightened. I figured that I “looked the part” and that I would blend right in.
Now that I know who Christ is and what our Creator wants from His people, I also know that I must share with the church that we are failing. God allowed me to feel scared and timid and judged through out my entire life, not just by the outside world but also, by His church. Why? So that I could tell you this: If we think a teenage mother will knock on the church’s door, we are wrong. The world has told her that the biggest Judge presides in church. We must debunk this falsehood. It is people, even His church, who are judgmental. Therefore, we must go out and bring them in. We must protect them and equip them with the knowledge of who their Heavenly Father is and His Son through His perfect Word.
TMCInternational (Teen Mother Choices International) can help us get started. I am in my 40th year of life and I know that God works in numbers and I know that I survived the abortion holocaust so that I could glorify God. The church needs to unite, protect the widows and the fatherless so that the world can see once again God’s people doing miraculous things. If the church took care of every teen mom and our government lost that job, it would be like the red sea parting. God chose a woman who was single and a teen to bring His Redeemer into the world. I don’t believe this was a coincidence. God never works through coincidence. I don’t mean to compare Mary’s pure heart with the likes of mine because at sixteen, I myself could have been a teen mom, proving once again, that generational sin is always knocking. But I do know the perfection of my Heavenly Father and “that all things work together for the glory of God...” Jesus redeemed us but we have botched Christianity, giving it a bad name. The church is not a place to go and hide out. It is there to invite people in, give support and change lives. There is a purpose for all that He allows. I believe the teen mom can help us redeem who we are as Christians and more importantly, reveal to the world the power of the one, true God.
By: Deana Cerniglia